I guess I gotta give part 2 of my confessions...

Ugh. I don’t know why I can sleep so well at night.

Someone like me shouldn’t be able to. Some people could call me a killer.

I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I should be feeling guilty but I don’t. I don’t even take the blame, I blame the companies for making pieces of shit and selling them to.

But I don’t want to admit it. If I admit it, you know how many people could hold this against me?

My brother would never let me touch his touch again.

Okay, fine. Whatever.

I’m a killer of electronics.

You have no idea how hard that really was for me to admit. I like to think I take the best care of everything I own, but in all reality, I don’t.

Lets run down this list, shall we? Now keep in mind, these are things that I have bought in the last year since I’ve worked at Macs.
-5 webcams
-2 laptops
-3 cell phones
-2 cameras

So currently, I don’t have a webcam because all five of those are crap and my camera got wet so the screen doesn’t work. Other than that, I got a new laptop yesterday and a new cell phone last week. And it isn’t just quality. Like I might not buy the most expensive thing ever, but I wouldn’t call it cheap. Like two of my webcams were $80. There’s no reason why an $80 webcam can’t work.

But I still don’t take blame for my Acer. That was a piece of shit and I never will apologize for killing it. Plus, it was the blue screen of deaths fault- not mine.

It just sucks though because I can’t keep anything long enough to establish the bond an owner should feel with her electronics. It really is a sad day. I wish this habit wasn’t so expensive though. Why couldn’t I kill things softly with my song? Or chocolate in my mouth.

But noooo, it had to be electronics.

I remember I remember I remember when I lost my mind.

OH and my life would be so much better if I could figure out how to pick my fricking elective. I woke up this morning so I could pick it, and I have no idea how. It says "this course is non-existent. UM WTF.

I really don't want to go anymore if I can't even figure out how to do this.

laughing straight to the bank with this

Last week a man came into Macs.
What a vague starting. Not to mention, it isn't a complete sentence. I kind of like the um... mystery of it though?
Anyway back to my point. Working at Macs, you have those few customers that like to come in and talk and talk and talk. I really don't mind it because I usually work a 8-9 hour shift alone, so company is a good thing. What I do mind though are the customers that love to talk a lot and come in at 11:30, when all I really want to do is get out off there. Which in the case of this man, he came in pretty late as usual.
He starts talking to me about college and since I really don't like talking about it, the conversation didn't last long at all.So he moves on and asked me about my brother and what he wants to do after high school blah blah blah. I said something probably in business or computers because ever since Tyler knew what a computer was he wanted to be Bill Gates' son. He totally held it against my dad for like 5 years that he didn't have children with Bill Gates wife, which really makes no sense if I think about it now. Bill Gates' wife didn't make him famous so I don't know what my dad having children with her would do? Maybe in the mind of a seven year old it makes sense.
I'm so all over the place today. The point is, this man asked me what Tyler was going to school for and asked me if Tyler was saving up money for university. Tyler is in grade 12 this year and is going back for a 5th year I think. So really, why would he start saving already. I honestly just glared at the man. I didn't even start saving for school until the summer and I'm barely saving now, even though I'm going in t-minus two weeks?
It just makes me panic. I don't know if I will have enough money, I probably won't. And to top it all off, I bought a camera, a cell phone and a laptop forever ago so I wouldn't have to buy those three items now. But my laptop is missing the A, H and Up key and is a piece of crap, my camera got wet in my bag and now doesn't work and I just bought a new cellphone because I needed a better plan. And I don't even own a printer! On the bright side, I have a toaster, so I can make toast?
4 months from now when I have nothing and no money, I can still make toast and I'll be happy. Well, if I have bread?

Please make this stop, stop, STOP.

Ever since I was little I've known what I wanted to be when I grow up.First it was a duck on Old McDonalds farm, followed by a teacher and then in grade seven I decided I wanted to be a Developmental Service Worker. Fastforward to the now, I'm going to school in a couple of weeks enrolling in the DSW program.

I'm starting to think I should have stayed with the duck. Just sometimes my patience with Raymond wears thin and I dont know if I'm actually able to do this. But my mom says it's just because hes living with us, and is around us 24/7. So I hope shes right but I don't know.

Ugh. I honestly am waiting until I crack and break down.

I really don't want to leave.

AND I HATE HOW MY FAMILY KEEPS MAKING ME GOING TO COLLEGE TO BE A BIG FUCKING DEAL.

It isn't a big deal.

everyone has a drug dealer on speed dial.

One thing I wont miss from working at Mac's is the teenage boys. You think being a teenage girl, I would like the teenage boys coming in. And I do, but not like the gross ones.The ones that are in like grade 9-10 and come in by the hundreds all at once. With the sweaty hands and have no idea what a shower is.And the ones that do drugs.

Last night a group of guys in grade 10 came in and spent honestly a good 20 minutes in the store. And when I work I have a crapload of stuff to do, so I hate the people that spend more than 5 minutes looking around. Come on, it isn't that hard. It all goes to the same place and it probably all expired in May anyway.It's a convience store, you get what you pay for.
What made me laugh though, is that Im not alone on this matter.When the guys were looking around, this lady came in and was like "Ugh. Gotta love the teenage boys."
Amen to that lady for sure.

So fast forward 20 minutes and they finally break out of the huddle around the milk cooler, and all come up to the front. Their total comes to $38.10, which is the most I've ever seen anyone come in and spendjust on junk food. No smokes, no lottery tickets, no milk.. just pure crap.
And to top it all off just one guy was paying for it all. Peer pressure much? Then what made me relaize how stupid they really are is when I pressed total, the one guys reaction was "WTF, only $38? I thoughtwe were going to spend $420."
I honestly just rolled my eyes. And what made me pissed is, I offered them a bag but they said no so they just left. And like 20 minutes later they come back and ask for a bag because the pop was 'cold.'

Fuck you teenage boys. Fuck you druggies. Fuck you Mac's Milk... kinda.
almost freeeeee

time goes by so slowly.

Time makes me really anxious. It always has. I remember the first week of grade nine I had a nervous breakdown because of time. I was scared I wasn't going to get enough sleep so I would go to bed at like 9pm and not beable to fall asleep. 1am rolls around andI would still be trying to sleep but couldn't because I then was only worried about getting 7 hours of sleep and it was keeping me awake.Now fast forward to the present, when I would go to school on 3 hours of sleep just because I could.
Well the same feeling is happening now. I'm going to college pretty soon. The truth is I don't even know the day I start or how many days it isbefore I go because again it makes me anxious. Even now when I write this I'm shaking and really worried inside. Trying to listen to Bedouin Sound Clashand just calm down. I have to work today in an hour in 15 minutes but I want to write this first. See again time is in the way. I asked if I could come in from 7-12 instead of 4-12 because I wanted to spend time with my dad today.
The thing that worries me the most about college is that my alarm clock wont work and I'll sleep in and miss my class. Like now I dont even use my alarm clockbecause I hate knowing what time it is all the time. I'm happiest when I have no clue what time it is and have no where to be and no where to go. And if I do have a clockI always sent it a hour and 20 minutes ahead of the right time. It just calms me down to know I'm ahead of time. I think for college though I already have a battery powered alarm clockincase the power goes out and my plug in one doesn't wake me up. I'll also set my cell phone and maybe tell my parents to call me depending on the time of my class.
The thing that worries me the most though is, is it common to be this anxious of time? Or am I going to break down someday because it's not heathly to be thisworked up over something so helpful? Damn it. I just want Dr. Phill.

wake me up when september ends.

This summer, I've done basically nothing. And even though there is still maybe 20 days left of summer, I dont intend to change my habbits. My normal day of going to sleep anywhere between 3-5am, sleeping until mid afternoon and either going to work or just being a bum all day- is honestly just what I want to do this summer. I don't care if people see it as wasting my life but I'm only 18, if you have a problem with my life then I don't really care. Just let me be care free for one of the last times I probably can be, thanks! And just because I stay on the computer so much doesn't mean I'll be like this for my whole life. I'm sick of people thinking they are better than this and me.

It use to bother me when we were little and we had really boring summers,now I do nothing by choice. Honestly, I'm about to go to college for 2-3 years, just like most of my friends. I'm all about saving money at this moment, so common sense proves that the less you do, the more money you save.

Sometimes though, I think I'm almost too lazy. I'm starting to lose my will to even want to go to work.I dont want to do my ordering so I put it off. My boss is starting to get pissed at me about it. I hope Im not this lazy for the rest of my life. I'm HOPING Im only lazy because I know Im almost done at work and Im losing my will. It is tiring sometimes that all you do is work. But again, all my parents do is work and rarely get out of the house... I don't want to be like that when I grow up.Even though I bet your bottom dollars I will be. Just working and sleeping all the time- until the day I die.

So maybe I was wrong on what I said before, I will be like this for the rest of my life. Again why do you care?

But if the rest of my life is like this, I'm very much so looking forward to the next 50+ years!!!

John A, John B, John C, John D, John EEEEEEE

You know something I have in common with probably more than a million people?

No, it isn’t that I pronounce the letter Z “zed” instead of ‘zee’.

It isn’t the fact that my name is Stacey.

Nor that I have a brother named Tyler (even though there are probably way more than a million people who have a brother named Tyler because it’s so flippin’ popular.)

It isn’t even that I like Pepsi over Coke or that I’m right handed.

Sure, I do share these things with a lot of people who are from all over the world and speak hundreds of languages I don’t understand. And even though it is fun to think about how much you have in common with so many diverse people, that isn’t that special for me.

The thing that I sometimes actually feel embarrassed for sharing with millions of people is my obsession, er love, for John Christopher Depp.

Everytime I buy a Johnny Depp poster or watch a movie he’s in, I think about how weird my love is. Like to my friends and family, I’m a huge Johnny Depp fan. But the thing is I only recently became one over the last three years. I only fell in love with Pirates after POTC too. I sometimes feel like I only love him and only am such a POTC fan because of the buzz. But honestly, I can’t help it.

But again, it is Johnny Depp. Not only is he like amazingly sexy (haha) he’s actually an amazing actor. His roles are so dark yet he plays everyone better than the last. Johnny Depp really is love and even if I’m just amongst an group of millions, I honestly don’t care.

It makes me laugh though how much of fantasy this is. Like I know I won’t ever meet him not to mention never marry him, but I really don’t even want to. I’ve read stories about people meeting Johnny and he is like the sweetest guy ever, but he’s paid to be. He knows that he can’t afford to be one of those stars that spits at his fans and cusses everyone out. But when you meet a star, it’s not like they will remember you. What’s the point of meeting someone that you probably won’t ever forget, but they won’t remember you like even 10 minutes after meeting you. Sure maybe if you are ubber pretty or a lost cause they might, but sadly I’m neither. (Well closer to being a lost cause if anything.)

And even when I get crushes on guys in real life, it isn’t on anyone like Johnny at all. So it just makes me think of how fantasy my love for him is, and I love it that way. I’m not going to cry when I never meet him or when my mom finally burns all my posters of him.. but I enjoy living in the now and obsessing over him.

I just realized how pointless this post is… it’s starting to sound more creepy if anything. I guess I better leave it at this before his body guards track me down. I wonder how many girls have written a blog along the same manner of this one though…

Here I give you my phone number, if you ever worry call me. I make you happy.

And the Oscar for “Best Performance in probably getting Stacey fired from Mac’s” goes to…



*drum roll*

My mom with this following line-

“Stop calling here for my daughter! She’s coming in at 3 for her shift because she’s responsible and will cover her own shift. I have 2 handicapped men here, a dead father and a leaking basement, I don’t have time to pick up the phone every 4 minutes to you calling her. Stacey is going back to sleep and will be in at 3.”

When I was little all the kids on the block would call her “mean momma” for her attitude- now I love her for it and see when it can come in handy. I wish I was kinda more like her and not so passive.

Anyway, my work keeps calling here- they won’t leave me alone. It’s like some creepy stalker, but one that pays $8.75 and hour. My mom say’s it’s harassment, I just call it the fact that I work with a bunch of druggies.

The girl today has been calling here since she opened at 6am saying that she is puking and shaking. MEMO- umm maybe it’ll help if you don’t go out drinking every other weekend when your kids aren’t home when you know you work! Especially when you know that the boss is out of town and you have to open the store at 6am.

She used the whole “WELL, the boss is out of town and Stacey is the second boss so she has to come in” line. My words to that is, yeah okay, I call myself the assistant manager and my boss does too, but really, I get paid the same amount an hour that she does. If I got paid more, I would go in, but the truth is I didn’t go to sleep until 5am because my summer sleep habits are awful, and I have to work at 3- midnight tonight. If I didn’t have to work at 3 today I would go in, but I do and I’m fucking sick of always covering everyone else’s shifts. I work like four Nine hour shifts a week now, two of which are suppose to be mine… the other ones I pick up from everyone else because again, I’m passive.

Plus, at the end of this month I’m out of there. So honestly I don’t care what happens. I don’t really seeing my boss firing me for this, because it was my mom’s fault and not mine. But even if he does, it means I can be a bum for the rest of the summer and still be around to see Mac’s go down in flames without me. The girl before me carried the store, and when she left it went down a couple notches and stayed low after I took over… I honestly see it going lower and my boss having no staff other than the rats that live in the milk cooler at the end of the year.

But for now, I’m going to stop worrying about work and try to sleep. We’ll see what happens. If I was in Vegas though, I would be betting that I can't sleep and will go in anyway at 10. Blah, I want to be more like my mother, damnit!!