I hate writing entries where I’m just so emotional and all over the place, that it’s embarrassing to read a couple weeks later. It honestly feels like crawling out of a street sewer, and having no idea how you got inside of the sewer in the first place. Not that I know exactly how that feels like, but I picture it to be embarrassing and confusing.
I realized that in college, I have more ups and downs than I did in high school. I’ll have like three bad days and then four good days to level it out. I have to stop updating my journal on a bad day.
But yeah. I don’t even know what to say right now. Last weekend was amazing, this weekend I HAVE to pull up my socks and study and read and essay until I basically bleed out of my eyes. If I don’t.. well, dropping out seems good. A couple weeks ago, my mom asked me if I wanted to drop out. I basically just yelled at her for even mentioning it.
But then again, I make it seem like Im doing all of this work and failing when I know Im not doing enough. I honestly think if I try so much harder, I will be able to pass. And I’m pretty sure this is what I want to do.
I went to a study workshop yesterday though and got some really good ideas. My problem really is that I don’t know how to study. I hate it and I suck at it. But I got idea’s yesterday that might work. Now I just gotta start studying…
Another thing I wanted to say though, is I came home this weekend to my family wanting to put Fly down. When my mom told me, I told her not to discuss it with me and then started to cry. I don’t know… like honestly, how can you put an animal down that is alive? I understand if they are sick, but Fly isn’t. She just has awful flea’s but those can be looked after. My mom has tried flea treatments on her but never took her to the Vet for one. But again, it might be different because I’m not at home as much as they are. The first thing that I noticed when I came home, was how much the basement smelt like skunk and dog. It was pretty bad.
You have to remember though, Fly was my grandpa’s dog. My grandpa Bob would NEVER want Fly to be put down. So how can you do that? He’ll be so upset in his grave, you have no idea.
Whatever though. I wouldn’t be surprised if I came home next weekend to no dog.
It just makes me pissed.
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